Tuesday, February 28, 2006

回到人群中

是刘同学2月3日的blog:

“火车停稳在站台,回到住处,稍稍休息一下。很快到了吃饭的时间,却不知道吃什么,有点不习惯,孤儿的感觉。

睡得不想动,电话响了,是马莉,儿时的好朋友,很多年没有联系,说有初中的同学在上海,组织大家吃饭,不错。饭局因故取消,去拍照片,感觉一切都是那么陌生,又是胡乱读书的一天。中午被几个同事叫了一起吃饭,才确信我不是一个人,就象那时候见了新同事才确认我又会有同事。

妈妈打电话过来,简单地聊了,确信她对我的言行和各个决定有了更多的理解,感觉整个人都很放松,他们的支持给我很多力量。重新回到人群中的感觉,人们都是那么的友好,和善。想起了圣诞节在餐馆那个独自享受美食的意大利老人,愿更多的人感觉是回到人群中。”

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看他的东西,突然让我想起了毕加索、马蒂斯...... 毕加索在研习多年绘画技法之后,开始用类似孩童般的简单线条作画;历经三十多年,我们也终于发现原来简单的东西、简单的道理就很好。

简单些,就轻松些,于是也快乐些。

高潮低潮

“人在高潮的时候享受成就,在低潮的时候享受生活。”

终于明白自己为什么会萌生“享受生活”的想法了。

只要在往前走

”......我曾经一直梦想自己可以成为一个内心自由的家伙。那时我总是在办公室里不停的画脚本,或者在会议室的烟雾里激烈的咳嗽,这种梦想一直折磨着我,所以我总是在不合时宜的时候非常伤感;例如掖着一摞钱走向银行的路上,或者是在某些广告颁奖典礼上。我总是隐约的感觉非常的恐慌,似乎这些东西都是用我的自由换来的,它们正在明码标价地换取我的内心中的某些东西。这种让我恐惧的感觉对那时的我来说,似乎也有一些不可理喻,我并无法明确的知道我为什么会那么恐惧,我失去的那些东西又有什么独特的价值。可是我依然惶惶不可终日。

于是,我开始失眠了,从28岁那年的一个夏夜开始,在一个3面有窗的老洋房的房间里我失去了良好的睡眠。一个接着一个的夜晚我无法入睡,3个巨大的窗子外,夜风把树叶摇得低沉作响。我突然感觉到了衰老,听懂了时间在缓缓攫取我的生命而发出的令我胆寒的声音。

在失眠到第5个夜晚的时候,我做了一个决定,我要去向自己以前的人生索回那些我变卖的珍宝。我开始第一次为自己创作,只为自己而创作。

有一种疯魔的力量让我下笔如神,大约化了15个夜晚,我完成了一部电影剧本。

当我很小心地将它给我的爱人和朋友看的时候,我原来以为他们都会感动的,因为那是我第一部严格意义上的自己的作品。可是无人喝彩,所有人都无法理解这个奇怪的故事来自我这样一个家伙的内心,也可以说这个故事没有打动任何人。

那个夜晚我哭了,放声大哭。无法接受这个事实,我失去了最后的通行证;那通向我一直以为存在的我内心的神秘花园的通行证,我无法相信我会失去它,那是一直以来我最无法言说的美丽秘密,那是唯一的我相信中还存在的我的尊严。

这是我第一次真正发现了我的迷途。

5年以后的今天,又是一个安静的夜晚,不同的是我已经走在另外一条路上。这条路虽然也有一些泥泞难行,可是一次又一次的启程,至少每次我都明确自己的方向,只要是出发,就是在往前走!还有什么比这更美好的事情。

这5年里我失去了好多,可是我找到了5年前丢失的东西。

生命多美好,因为它给了我们迷途知返的机会,如果我们足够坚韧;坚韧地相信自己的最初的相信;坚韧地爱护自己的灵魂,无论如何都不舍弃自己。所有你失去的东西都会变成另外一种力量,再次加护于你,成为你人生里最丰饶的负重,一路走得坦坦荡荡。

最后,我不得不说我越来越相信宿命。因为那个夏天的不眠之夜我完成的失败剧本,除了给了我那个迷途的启示之外,似乎还有一些东西暗渡陈仓地成为了我的生命里的一部分。

我写下这个剧本的时候,我还从来没有拥有过自己的照相机;和那个剧本的男主角一样只是个对自己平庸的生活充满了痛恨的家伙,而今天,我也和那个剧本的男主角一样最终成为了一个非常优秀的摄影师。

生活取走了一个失败的剧本,还却给了这个世界一个摄影者。这一切多么美妙。"

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看到Malonne的这篇东东的时候,就觉得一定要“剽窃”过来,放在自己的collection里。因为这段时间,类似Malonne28岁那年的感觉,正日渐强烈起来。(以前有算命的说我晚熟,真是如此啊...苦笑ing)人过了30, 生命的压迫感就愈发强烈,“突然感觉到了衰老,听懂了时间在缓缓攫取我的生命而发出的令我胆寒的声音。” 对死亡的恐惧,如果能够化为出发的动力,“就是在往前走!还有什么比这更美好的事情。”

遇强则强

“有些时候,我们遇强则强,遇弱则弱。有时候对手里遇见高手并不算坏事,可怕的是你永远不想去遭遇高手。”Teresa(当然不是那个Mother Teresa)最近说的一句话。

有感悟,深有感悟啊!

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Carmina Burana

Last Saturday I went to a concert at Alte Oper featuring "Carmina Burana", one of the best-known orchestral pieces in the 20th century (1937). 70 years ago, it was at the same place where Carmina Burana made its debut.

Composed by German composer Carl Orff for extended symphonic orchestra, mixed with chorus, boy's choir and vocal solos (totaling about 200 performers), it was an impressive performance by the State Philharmony Rheinland Pfalz. The melody of the opening chapter was adopted by many movies and of course is the best part of the symphony. But it does not sound coherent with the remaining chapters.

Just like a comment I ever heard, German audience do not all wear well-groomed formal suits or dresses. Nonetheless, they demonstrated their well-educatedness throughout the performance.

As a routine, they did give ardent applause to the artists for extra performance, especially the Marimba player from France. She was amazing with both hands holding two mallets simultaneously and making the beautiful chords by constantly adjusting the space between the two mallets.

Yet, Robert fell asleep before half of the performance was done. :)

Will Power

Accept your will power.

A lot of people say, "I don't have any will power." But if you think you have no will power, you are undermining your own success. Everyone has a will power. The first step in developing your will power is to accept its existence. The second step is to know that your will power, like the muscles in your arm is yours to develop. You are in charge of making it strong or letting it become weak. Will power is not strengthened by random external circumstances. Will power is an inside game. Make a promise to yourself, to be clear and truthful about your own will power. It's always there.

Say "No" to yourself.

A lot of people are afraid of the word "discipline". But the rule of the word "discipline" is the word "disciple". When you are disciplined, you've simply decided to manage the will to become your own disciple. Once you've made that decision, your life of adventure gets more interesting. You start to see yourself as a stronger person. You gain self-respect. Psychologist Abraham J. Heschel said, "Self-respect is the fruit of discipline; the sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself." Emerson said that when we say no to temptation, the power of that temptation passes to our will power. And Willam James recommended that we do at least two things everyday that we don't wanna do. By doing this, we stay powerfully aware of our own will power.

Abraham Lincoln said it best, " I will prepare myself, and my time will come." The more self disciplined you become, the "luckier" you will get! Learn to make yourself do what others won't, and you will soon have what others don't! Just like in your business, It's the start that stops most people, don't let the start, stop you, get started right now! We don't need to learn anything else, we just need to practice what we already know! I know I will start working on being more disciplined, I know I'll see myself over the top-because I rock!

It is good to take action, It is far more powerful to take focused, sustained action.

Focus

Be where you are.

Most of us don't ever focus. We constantly feel the certain amount of psychic chaos, because we are always trying to think of too many things we want. Focus on what you want and it will come into your life. Focus on being a happy and motivated person and that's who you will be.

I have this serious problem of not concentrating on the closest and most tangible goals ahead. Instead, I am always trying to daydream a bunch of goals to be achieved and blow off the goals within reach. Other times, I was simply too ambitious and optimistic to start off too many different tasks at the same time and did not find it possible to finish all of them until the deadlines drew near. Then, there came the sense of frustration, which was so detrimental to my self-esteem. Afterwards, I began to doubt my ability to get anything done in my lifetime. This was how the malicious cycle kicked off.

男人和女人

有时候在想,是不是男人和女人天生就是一对欢喜冤家。彼此吸引,但又永远敌对。比如说当我们看到某个臭男人得到报应的时候那种解恨的快感,并不亚于性高潮带来的兴奋。反过来,男人对坏女人是不是也存有相同的感受呢?

Thursday, February 16, 2006

原来integration course不是免费的

真相大白了。

收费方法是每课时1欧元。不算贵。不过上满600小时的话,就要600欧了。想想还是蛮贵的。:(

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Integration Course & der Wochenmarkt

对昨天两大发现作个交代。

1。Integration Course:由于移民局的接线员拒绝说英文(NND,真不明白,不懂英文怎么能在移民局混的?),俺只得亲自跑了一趟。管事的老伯伯看了一眼我的居住证,二话没说,就让我明天去拿一张证明文件,可以参加政府提供的免费integration course了。喜出望外!

2。Der Wochenmarkt:去了火车站附近的Kaisermarkt,贵!原来想买一个摊主的新鲜的salmon,回来好做sashimi。英文+德文+手势比划了半天,终于搞明白每100g要EUR1.89(声明一下,没有打错字,是g,而非kg!知道厉害了吧!),比市中心Galeria Kaufhof大超市里的还贵!说了一句“Sehr teuer!”(很贵啊!)没想到农民伯伯不高兴了,嘟哝着说:“Das ist fisch!”(这是鱼啊!)靠!鱼怎么了?俺这辈子这么喜欢吃鱼,就在德国栽了。死贵死贵的鱼啊!会把俺吃穷的!

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

挖到一件宝

在书橱里挖到一本 A Manual for Germany 的英德对照的册子,是由德国政府移难民和民族融合委员会编撰的。随便一翻,发现居然是件宝贝,里面讲述了很多在德国生活的tips,对我这样语言不通的新来者,简直是久旱逢甘霖。

几分钟里就有两大发现:

1。德国移民局为新移民及其他特定人群提供一种integration course,包括600小时的德语课和orientation course,全免费。哇赛!每天就去打听!

2。德国有一种Wochenmärkte,相当于中国的农贸市场,每周一次农民伯伯会在指定地点摆摊卖各种新鲜蔬菜瓜果和肉类制品,据说在收摊的时候,常常能买到便宜的好货。立马google外加网上的free translation了一把,果然发现法兰克福也有这样的市场,周四就有几个(Konstablerwache,Bockenheimer,Atzelbergplatz (Seckbach),Kaisermarkt(gegenüber Hauptbahnhof))。明天去看看。

What's happening in town?

花了一个下午的时间,使出当年的research本事,整理出一份颇为完整的法兰克福的吃喝玩乐地图。然后开始惊讶于自己对这个城市的无知。待了有阵子了,依赖于先到者们的只言片语,就以为是这个城市的全部。懒怠的结果就是永远无法看清它的本来面目,也无法享受探索的乐趣。

仅仅一个下午我所知道的,比过去一个月的还多。

- 法兰克福全市人口的1/3是不以德语为母语的外来族群
- 除了金融业,法兰克福在文化和艺术领域也有颇多可圈可点之处;比如说欧洲大陆最大的English Theater就与金融区比邻而居,常年上演着和世界其他剧院共同制作的话剧和音乐剧
- 这个城市在二战期间几乎全部被毁,现在看到的建筑绝大多数是战后在美国监督下重建起来的
- 法兰克福政府在外来族群integration上下了很大的功夫,甚至有专为newcomers举行的一年一度的 exhibit,以帮助新来的居民尽快适应新环境
-法兰克福周边不远就有一处被UNESCO授予“世界文化遗产”的景点
.........

如此下去,也许某一天,我对法兰克福的知识会超过很多当地人。就像不少外地人,对于上海的了解远远比我要多一样。想起几周前参加的一个聚会,席间一个印度人讲述了一些不为德国人所知晓的有关德国的facts & figures,令在场的德国佬汗颜。人们往往对于自以为熟悉的东西不再探究,终有一天会惊觉物非人也非。

反过来,“好奇的目光常常可以看到比他所希望看到的东西更多”,很久以前,莱辛就这么说。

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Stones of Contention

The row over what to build in place of East Germany's old parliament--

IT IS easy to see why Germany's parliament has decided to tear down the Palast der Republik, a communist-era landmark in Berlin. Historically and aesthetically, the building, once home to East Germany's parliament, has all the charm of a second-world-war bunker. It is also unsurprising that an alliance of ex-communists and progressive artists hoped to keep it. With only a skeleton of steel beams left inside after asbestos had been stripped out, it has become a cool venue for parties and exhibitions.

But why have more than four years passed since a commission first recommended demolition? Any why might it take another six before reconstruction begins on the site of the Berlin Schloss, the baroque residence of Prussian kings that was dynamited in 1950?

One answer is the difficulty of taking down such a huge building. It took until May 2003 to strip out the asbestos. Demolition will take another 18 months. The ground is unstable. Indeed, as one firm dismantles the structure, another will be filling the basement with a mixture of water and sand. Then there is money. Estimates for the cost of rebuilding the castle range from EUR670m to 1.2 billion. Neither the federal government nor the city of Berlin has spare cash, and they cannot agree how to split the bill. A foundation set up to raise money to rebuild the baroque facade has collected only a little.

Germany's fondness for consensus also slows things down. The new building is considered the "final stone of unification", says Wolfgang Tiefensee, the construction minister. Many people want their say. Whether, the building will ever house the planned "Humboldt Forum" (a mix of cultural and scientific institutions) is anybody's guess.

Expect more heated debate. When Mr. Tiefensee, a Social Democrat from the east, suggested that the building might house a hotel and the next step should be to pick a private investor, not an architect, some critics talked darkly of a Cinderalla castle and muttered about the Disneyfication of Berlin.

Visitors will not see any new building at all for many years. For now, the city plans to lay down a lawn. Only in 2018, at the earliest, might the Humboldt Forum open its doors, says Mr. Tiefensee. At least unified Germany may act faster than its ex-communist part. More than 25 years elapsed between the demolition of the old Prussian pile, badly bombed in the war, and inauguration of the Palast in 1976.
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Will anybody cast doubt on the slowness in demolishing and reconstructing East Germany's old parliament? Please don't, 'cause this is so true. I live in a well-developed residential area in Frankfurt, where the 3-storey petite building next to ours has been revamped for over 12 months, yet has no signs to unwire the crane and dismantle the fences in the foreseeable future. Our pathetic neighbors have to close the windows all day long- no dust, no daylight and of course no sunshine, which they don't really care, I bet, since Frankfurt is always cloudy and gloomy in winter.

The weirdest thing was I barely saw anyone working in daytime. Three weeks ago, I received a letter calling for neighbors' patience and understanding on the upcoming noise and other inconvenience, which I never experienced so far. Workers must be either on vacation or invisible all thanks to their mighty Labor Union, I reckon. :)

Speaking of Germany's fondness of consensus, I was aware of their endless debates and complaints over political issues even among civilians. Reserved as Germans are, it's sort of shocking to see them go to the opposite when it comes to politics.

Tomorrow, let me find out the underlying reasons from a bunch of local Germans.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Best Analogy to Consulting

Heard this best analogy to consulting business from a new recruit in one of the world's top-notch consulting firms around Chinese New Year.

"The key difference between the industry and consulting is --industry guys are like having real sex, whereas consultants just keep masturbating."

It was actually from one of his clients.

All the audience, comprised of consultants and one former consultant burst into laughter... A few seconds later, they all knew they would still stay in consulting for a while, no matter what...

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Time Management

过了几天黑(夜)白(天)颠倒的日子。今天决心要洗心革面了。

前几天LG狠狠地批评了我的poor time management。不能再让他失望了。

现在就去睡觉。

老南要结婚了!

老南要结婚了!5月摆酒席。这是今年头号大喜事。

恭喜老南马上要完成人生最重要的一件大事了!预祝老南新婚快乐!其实欲结未结的时候,是最快乐的。凡事都是这样;没有什么快乐能比得上眼看着目标快要达成,数着日子憧憬着那天早早到来的那种欣喜了。这就是为什么人们总选择在星期五的夜晚狂欢,而不是随后的两个休息日。

扯远了。呵呵。

老公越来越懂事了

今天是老公在伦敦出差的第一天。

晚上11点打电话过来了,说很忙,但是怕我因担心而睡不着觉,所以先打个电话,让我放心。幸福的感觉一下子涌上心头。老公越来越懂事了。几年前他是绝对想不到这么做的。再看看自己,又何尝不在长大呢?几年前,我甚至连杯水都不会自己去烧。

No one is perfect. 每个人的成长都需要时间。可惜,我们往往对别人的成长过程缺乏耐心。

想起几周前,萍写信给我说,终于想通了,要允许别人的不完美,给别人一个和自己共同成长的机会。我想,这回,她终于到了可以嫁出去的时候了。