Tuesday, November 06, 2007

你爱我吗?

没想到再次提笔写博客是在7个月后的San Diego的一个叫Travelodge的小旅馆里。

昨天晚上在电脑上看Tom Hanks和Meg Ryan的《You've Got Mail》,一部从98年上映时就想去看到片子。

看到Kathleen和男友在电影院起争执,然后在咖啡馆分手一幕的时候,突然心有戚戚焉。两个人在一起其实未必就是相爱的。彼此不相爱的人在一起总是苦恼多,争执多。与其不开心,还不如分开。但是你又怎么知道自己是否爱着对方呢?

最困难的不是分手,而是确定自己是否爱对方。

Friday, April 06, 2007

电话

.......“他真的把家庭看的很重,有时即使是举行发布会的间隙,像在电梯里,或者休息室,他都会忍不住拨个电话给他的太太,说几句亲密的话!”接近邵亦波的人告诉记者.......

真的特别想嫁这样的人。

两个人朝夕相守一辈子的世纪早已过去。今天的我们也许只能在电话或电脑的两头轻声呼唤:亲爱的,你还好吗?

一、两个小时的长篇情话是一种奢侈。其实只要这样,能在工作的间歇,三言两语地甜蜜问候一下,知道你在惦记着我,那么,哪怕我们今生聚少离多,我都会觉得心里是踏实的。

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Sydney in climate change blackout

Bravo, Sydney!

I find it particularly amusing about a comment from Hong Kong. What a stereotypical Chinese way of thinking: more concerns are placed upon the "face", rather than the "core"; and they end up doing nothing but being caught up in a quandary set up by themselves.
---------------------------------------------------------

Sydney's famous skyline was shrouded in darknessLights have been turned off across Australia's largest city, Sydney, in a hour-long event aimed at raising awareness of global warming.

At 1930 (0930 GMT) the city's skyline dimmed and normally bright landmarks like the Opera House and the Harbour Bridge went dark.

The so-called Earth Hour is supported by the New South Wales government, environmental groups and businesses.

Sydney hopes the event will make a very big statement on climate change.

The city of four million people is aiming to become the first anywhere to achieve a blackout on this scale.

The BBC's Phil Mercer, in Sydney, says by and large Sydney had never been this dark.

He says lights were off in the majority of the central business district's office blocks and large parts of the suburbs were also in darkness.

Co-operation

Greg Bourne of environmental group WWF, one of the driving forces behind Earth Hour, said the big switch off took months to plan.

"The logistics is really quite amazing in the sense every tower block is owned by one company, maybe leased by another company, have 10 tenants in and a manager and working through all of these people has been fantastic."

Many restaurants signed up and planned to serve diners by candlelight.

The owner of the Newtown Hotel, which says it is Australia's oldest gay bar, told the BBC before the blackout that they would have fun while trying to send a serious message.

"Sometimes drag queens [female impersonators] do look better in the dark anyway," said Roger Zee.

"It's up to the patrons. They'll actually have their own torches so they'll be able to light up the drag queens on the stage themselves."

Organisers want to encourage Australians to conserve energy and to think carefully about what they can do to cut pollution.

Every day millions of lights and computers are left on in deserted office blocks as well as in apartments and houses.

Campaigners have said that simply switching them off could reduce Sydney's greenhouse gas emissions by 5% over the next year.

Australia is one of the world's largest per capita producers of carbon dioxide and other gases that many scientists believe are helping to warm the earth's atmosphere.

-------------------------------------

A few interesting comments:

Why doesn't John Howard and his Premiers sign up to Kyoto instead of pulling off publicity stunts. Perhaps this will get the residents of Australia to think and put pressure on their 'leaders' to do so.
--Andrew, Brisbane (soon to be Edinburgh)

Kudos to Sydney! Hong Kong made a similar attempt last year but unlike its counterpart in New South Wales, the government refused to participate in the campaign, claiming that it would give "adverse publicity to Hong Kong as an international metropolis". Let's hope that the precedent set by Sydney will help persuade other cities, and their governments, to follow suit.
--C. Chan, Hong Kong

Thursday, March 29, 2007

女人比男人更该出轨的理由

网上截来的东东。站在女人的角度看,蛮有道理的。

曾经不止一次地设想过,如果我的老公出轨,我会怎样:是若无其事地宽容他?醋劲大发地谴责他?呼天抢地地哭诉他?还是一笑置之地以牙还牙?......

最后的结果是既宽容,又以牙还牙。因为大动肝火伤身,做苦情女没人稀罕。

我不是圣人,至少目前这个年纪还做不到。我希望能踏踏实实地和人过一辈子,可别人不理会你的一厢情愿,你怎么办?作为生物,总得有个地方满足一下自己可怜的生理需要吧;作为人,总得找些机会满足自己的情感需要吧。

文章的最后那句话,说到我的心坎里去了: "虽然女人其实比男人更有优势,但百分之九十九点九的女人还是希望能够从一而终。当然,前提是:男人始终如一的爱。"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

网络上关于男女出轨问题的讨论声此起彼伏。很显然,男人出轨率大大高于女人,男人总是找这样那样不着边际的理由来搪塞这种行为。甚至有很些人还把出轨的罪名归结于到了女人的头上。其实,要说出轨,女人的理由要更多更充分。

女人出轨的第一大理由:

寻找往日的浓情蜜意,你对我没性趣,对我有性趣的人很多。女人结了婚会比 婚前对自己的男人更关爱有加,男人一结婚却往往就没有了往日激情,对自己的女人日日疏懒。

女人出轨第二大理由:

女人出轨比男人更容易找到对象。女人一生比男人面临更多的诱惑,任何一个稍有姿色的女人从小到大从婚前到婚后都应有数不清的被男人纠缠的经历。

女人出轨的第三大理由:

减压。中国的女人大多数要出去工作养家,回到家里又有数不清的家务,还要教育孩子,往往承受比男人更大的压力。

女人出轨的第四大理由:

寻找被照顾关爱的感觉。大多数女人在家庭中都是扮演照顾者的角色,照顾男人、照顾孩子,其实女人无论在心理上还是身体上都更需要被照顾。君不见已婚女人比一辈子不结婚的女人更容易衰老憔悴?

女人出轨的第五大理由:

心灵寂寞。女人往往一结婚,就不再在同性朋友,不是女人重色轻友,而是工作、家庭占了太多时间,友情成了很奢侈的事,男人隔三差五要和朋友聚会,时不时要出去喝酒、按摩减压,留在家里看孩子的都是寂寞的女人。  

女人出轨的第六大理由:

无人监视,比较安全。女人一结婚,会立刻很有危机感,有意无意都会严密看管自己的老公,不给他出轨的机会。而男人往往对自己过于自信,认为娶回家的老婆就象自己在市场上牵回的一头猪,绝不会背叛自己。于上放心的出去花天酒地,夜夜笙歌。

女人出轨的第七大理由:

经济卫生。只要稍有姿色的女人,只要稍为假以词色,就会有大把男人送上门来,心甘情愿为你效劳。不象男人,想出轨,还得花钱找小姐、嫖*,包二奶支出就更大,一般男人都承受不了。

女人出轨的第八大理由:

安全系数高。男人出轨的危险性很大,嫖*容易传染性病,甘做二奶别无所求的女人又实在太少,基本上是绝种,往往是要不了多久就想登堂入室,闹得你身败名裂,妻离子散。而女人出轨往往不用担心这些。 

女人出轨的第九大理由:

生 理有优势。还有一个男人们最不愿听的理由,那就是其实女人的生理结构更占优势。女人可以轻松的周旋于几个男人之间而不显疲态,而男人想应付两个女人其实都 很难,君不见,风骚的女人往往更艳丽,而花心的男人往往疲态尽现。女人有外遇照样可以满足老公,而男人有外遇大多只能老婆基本不用了。

虽然女人其实比男人更有优势,但百分之九十九点九的女人还是希望能够从一而终。当然,前提是:男人始终如一的爱。

男人的目的

昨晚,P又和我聊起关于男人和女人的话题。有点烦了。实在没什么可聊的。

男人和女人的交往目的不外乎两种:1. 事业上的合作;2. 性(包括对性的怀念或憧憬)

P总是幻想第三种目的的存在,她希望能和男人保持类似女人间的那种君子友谊。

我让她失望了,我想。但是她富于幻想的脑袋需要有根棒子时不时地被敲回到现实中来。

老是听人抱怨说,XX地方的女孩子太现实了。难道男人就不现实吗?上周听说一段交往三个月就在印尼某岛求婚的浪漫姻缘。艳羡之情未平,前几天就又得到了注解。原来女孩子的家世背景甚好,对于雄心勃勃的男孩子无疑是如虎添翼。

婚姻是满足人生各种欲望的筹码,婚姻和感情不完全相干。大多数男人在决定和一个女人执子偕老的时候,是在close a deal,risk/return, benefit/loss考虑得一清二楚。感情是他考虑签署这份红色文件的一个因素,但只是其中之一。可惜善于梦想的女孩子们,总是天真地把求婚夸大理解为自己的魅力无限,男人从此也会象她一样死心塌地地守护这份感情。

婚姻维系的唯一可能是彼此筹码相当。一旦失衡,婚变是必然。不要和男人谈感情,更不要试图用过去的点点滴滴感化他,男人的字典里,只有将来,没有过去。当你擦干眼泪,看透这一切的时候,便无可执着,也无可叹息。

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Wrestling of power

Sometimes, relationship is just like a wrestling of power between two people.

Normally, it starts out from a guy's sexual desire and eagerness to be with somebody to feel the warmth and get the attention. This is when the girl holds the power chips, simply because he is more eager than she is. She's young and she's got plenty of opportunities to get a guy she wants.

Once the relationship is established, the power suddenly flips to the guy side. He's got what he is after and the job is done. Over time, his charms grow and available choices of pretty and young girls loom in front of him. Undoubtedly, she's getting older and not an extraordinary head-turner as she once was. But that's not the point. The point is she's far more involved in and devoted to the relationship than he is.

He knows that. He feels the relationship is too secure for him to keep working on it, such that he even begins to sabotage it by chasing new girls for fun, or whatever other reasons. Even she smells the disloyalty, she tries her best to hold her tongue in the sulks...

She wants certainty from him, while he wants variety elsewhere. Relationships cannot be fostered unless the two people want the same thing.

For guys, perhaps getting him feel emotionally unsecured is the only way to get his attention, thus to make the relationship work. Grab the power chips and win back the battle. But how? ... Will it get to a point when you wake up one day and finally get fed up with this power-wrestling game?

How nice will it be if you would both cherish each other and stop playing this low-class game? Alas, wish is just a wish.

Monday, March 19, 2007

你不知道的15件事

1. 你不会知道当我任性地挂掉你的电话时,是多么不忍心和多么希望你马上再打来。

2. 你不会知道我为了等那清晨的一吻总是提前十分钟醒来,偷偷看着你熟睡的脸,然后自己却不争气地先把嘴贴了上来。

3. 你不会知道每一次问你爱不爱我的时候,其实都是你没做到最好。

4. 你不会知道只有在嫁给你以后,我才真正爱上了烹饪。

5. 你不会知道你每次温柔地说“要不要我帮你切菜”,可以让我一连好几天沉浸在幸福的甜蜜中。

6. 你不会知道我那么爱吃醋不是因为不相信你,而是你在我眼中太可爱了,我不允许这种可爱倒映在别的女人眼中。

7. 你不会知道你信守每天一个电话的承诺,能带给我多大的快乐。

8. 你不会知道我有时没有主动为你承担些责任,是因为我心理出了问题,或者有些事情你让我伤心。

9. 你不会知道我有时不打扫房间,是因为你拿着吸尘器的样子,真的好让我怀念。

10. 你不会知道,你摆出一副“恨铁不成钢”的架势开导我的时候,我是又羞又爱地幸福着的。

11. 你不会知道,其实我的内心很脆弱,我坚硬的外壳不过是自己刻意而可笑地筑起的一道心理长城;我希望你永远能把我当作妹妹或女儿一样地保护我。

12. 你不会知道我的睡相之所以不好,是因为你的体温比我高,抱着好暧哦,所以我选择了章鱼式睡法。如果你从什么时候开始来抱着我的话,我可以改成小鸟依人啊。

13. 你不会知道其实我对你的心思和情思的异动都很敏感。

14. 你不会知道在我生气的时候如果你能主动哄我,要远胜过你在特定场合给我买昂贵的礼物。

15. 你不会知道女人喜欢做媒人,不是因为她们八婆,而是因为她自己过得比较幸福。

不再执着

有些人和事,永远都无法改变。明白这一点是成熟的开始。从放弃改变的那一刻起,告别了希望,也便告别了失望。

Sunday, March 18, 2007

平静

哭泣也是一种美丽

为别人的故事哭泣
为别人的心曲落泪
皆因心有戚戚焉

泪风干
愁绪随风飘
心也便轻了

原来哭泣也是一种美丽

童话

童话的美好在于不真实和不可得。可是要好好活下去,你就得不懈地说服自己--也许哪天,童话里的情节会奇迹般地发生。

自欺欺人让我们希望满怀斗志丛生。童话就是这样一剂仙丹妙药。

Thursday, March 15, 2007

常想一二

子贡曾问孔子:“有一言,而可以终身行之者乎?” 也就是说,有没有一个字,能够概括出受用一生的道理?子曰:“其恕乎。”

恕,宽容也。人生最难是宽容。

南宋方岳有诗:“不如意事常八九,可与人言无二三。” 所以民国元老于右任曾写过这样一副著名对联:“少思八九,常想一二”,横批是“如意”。

生命里面不如意的事占了绝大部份,因此,活着本身是痛苦的。但扣除八、九成的不如意,至少还有一、二成是如意的、快乐的、欣慰的事情,如果要过快乐人生,就要常想那一、二成好事,这样就会感到庆幸、懂得珍惜,不致被八九成的不如意所打倒了。

老妈在我忿忿不平或迁怒于人的时候,总是喃喃而语:“原谅别人,就是原谅自己。”老妈这辈子从没读过《论语》,但是她简单平淡的处世哲学,竟也透着先师圣人的遗风。

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

我要的就只是这些












电视里正播着那部两年前曾经看过的韩剧《巴黎恋人》:

韩启柱默默地注视前方,过了好久,他才开口说道:
“你和我在一起的时候,我哪点最让你不舒服?”

白承景被这出乎意料的问题惊呆了,不由得瞪大了眼睛。
“这问题来得好快啊。在离婚协议上签字盖章的时候,你也没问过这个问题?”
“你和我在一起的时候,哭过吗?”

白承景茫然地盯着韩启柱的脸。这个韩启柱和她以前认识的那个韩启柱判若两人,同一张嘴竟说出了异样的话。
“你是不是恋爱了?”
“什么恋爱……这怎么说呢?吃完饭把她送回家,即使她不需要我也愿意帮助她,为了不让她受到伤害,就会拼命努力,如果这就是恋爱的话,那我可能是恋爱了。”

承景睑上浮上了一层阴影。他给了自己巨大的伤害,但他却不知道;他和白承景一起生活时,就连努力用小伤害代替大伤害的心意都没有过,可是......

“你真的好坏呀,我曾经向你要的就是这些。她到底是怎样一个女人?” 承景面露愠色。

剧中的承景话音一落,我的泪便不争气地掉了下来。如果一个男人对你没有关爱,老是晃点你,惹你生气了也不来哄你,答案就只有一个;不是因为工作繁忙,也不是因为记性不好,而是他不爱你,至少是不那么爱你。因为内心深处,他觉得自己不值得为你努力付出。

也许最理想的姻缘永远发生在一个三十多岁的男人和一个二十多岁的女孩之间。男人在与若干女人周旋中日渐成熟,然后用他的关爱和人生阅历呵护着一个不更世事的女孩子。在女孩仰视的目光里,男人感到自己的价值得到了证实;而在男人的臂弯里,女孩为自己的天真和不安寻到了依靠。

好女人是男人的学校,可惜当男人出师毕业的那天,他却再也不需要那个好女人了。谁愿意和一个总是言之有理的老女人在一起。于是怨妇对负心汉的哭诉无休无止。

在别人的故事里,我看到了自己的BJ。可是生命无法重来;我永远也回不到二十岁的如花年龄,去大胆地寻找一个愿意用心关爱我的三十岁男人了。

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

第一次认识一个与自己同名的人

这是一种很奇妙的感觉。吃惊、好奇、欣喜、亲切......

有人以名测字,认为名字蕴藏着运程玄机。那么同名同姓者的生活、命运是否也会存在某种重合和交叠呢?

Thursday, March 08, 2007

不要孩子的老公

不要孩子的老公,真正不要的是你。

你也许一直都不喜欢孩子,可是当你碰到一个想和他过日子的人,你就会傻傻地不计后果地想着,要是和他生个小孩,不知会长成什么模样。

做一件事不需要理由,想做就行了;不做一件事,则会找到千百个理由。N个理由汇聚在一起,是简简单单一句话:我不知道自己还会不会和你过下去。

中国男人跟浪漫有仇

中国男人跟浪漫有仇是朋友P在MSN上贴给我看的一篇文章。

P是个彻头彻尾的理想主义者,30多岁还在做着20出头小姑娘的爱情梦。她不屑苟全的执着让人叹息,却也令人扼腕。当身边苟全之人极尽劝诫之能,试图令她回心转意的时候,她的坚定却让劝服者心存敬仰。她为自己而活,她为自己的梦想而活,哪怕这个梦想永远不会成为现实,但这又有什么关系呢?我们活着就是因为我们还有梦,只要这个梦支撑我们继续活下去就可以了。

生活总会有缺憾,独身只是所有缺憾中的一个而已。

作为朋友,我祝福她快乐。

Monday, March 05, 2007

Personal Power Journal 1 - A Fresh Start

I made a good move today by jumping out of bed without hesitancy and going for a walk in the garden. It's the first walk I've taken ever since I came back from Germany.

Walking on the winding path, listening to Tony Robbins' Get the Edge tape, I was following his instructions doing the 3-step An Hour of Power practice.

- Moving and breathing
- Feeling grateful
- Saying incantations

An hour later, I was feeling much better and smiling from the bottom of my heart for the first time in the past four weeks.

When I came back to my room, I started Robbins' Personal Power II session and finished Day 1: The Key to Personal Growth. Four steps of magic success formula that Robbins prescribed:

- Know the outcome
- Take actions
- Know what's getting from the action taken
- Be flexible to change actions

Robbins' story of self-sabotaging his own success resonated with me in particular, in a sense to corroborate that such a behavior is widespread across nations and that I'm not alone in doing so.

Another great experience he shared was about how he grew through continuously keeping a journal to jot down what he learned everyday. Indeed, a diary is not just a witness of our growth, but also an antidote to frustrations and emotional breakdowns. No matter how physically close you stay with someone and how hard you try, there seems always an immeasurable and unsurpassable rampart blocking the free flow of communications and emotions among individuals. That's where a journal can fill in to soothe the hurt. While some people have the luck to get motivated by others' support and encouragement, I simply don't have it to get through my hard times. Therefore, monologue is especially important to me.

Assignment today is to decide two actions that I can take to immediately improve the quality of life.
- reply emails that I have been procrastinating doing so
- work out in the gym

It's a fresh start to walk out of depression and break through my self-defeating behaviors. I'm glad that I made it on the first day. I'm glad that I'm taking the effort to embark on the self-help process to motivate myself. For better or worse, it will be an unforgettable experience.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Depression

I feel sick, not physically. No sooner had I read about the symptoms of depression, than I realized that I had it. It does not just happen now. I had it for years.

Like what Kareema and Bonnie said, I

-totally withdraw from people

-one day I'm feeling up and I'm sociable and cheerful and the next day I'll be quiet and I don’t want to speak to anybody.

-feel like I am encased in cement, where I just can’t drag my body out of bed, where the simplest of tasks is just daunting and I have to force myself to re-focus and to pick myself up and to take the shower, get to the grocery store, write emails, make phone calls, and get through my day.

-can't face the world and nothing in particular was bothering me, I just didn’t feel like dealing with anything.

-the hardest part for me, was actually getting motivated, getting up, to even seek help to get up and go to therapy, or get up to go to the doctor to see what's going on.